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Ben Silverberg

Why Wanting to Be Liked Can Be a Real Weakness



Hey everyone! Today, I want to talk about something many of us struggle with: the desire to be liked. It’s natural to want people to like us. We’re social creatures, after all. But when that desire starts to drive your decisions and actions, it can become a real weakness. Elon Musk once said that it’s a real weakness to want to be liked—and he doesn’t have that. This mindset is one of the reasons he’s been able to achieve so much.


If you’re constantly trying to please everyone, you’re not being true to yourself. You’re compromising your values and your vision just to fit in. So how can you break free from this need for approval and start focusing on what really matters?


The Danger of Wanting to Be Liked


The desire to be liked can be incredibly limiting. It keeps you from being your authentic self and can lead you to make decisions that aren’t aligned with your true values or goals. When you’re constantly trying to please others, you end up compromising on what’s important to you, just to avoid conflict or gain approval.


The Cost of People-Pleasing


People-pleasing often leads to a loss of identity. You start to lose sight of who you are and what you want because you’re so focused on what others want from you. This can lead to stress, anxiety, and even resentment. Over time, it can take a toll on your mental and emotional well-being.


Moreover, constantly seeking approval from others distracts you from your own goals. Instead of focusing on your vision and what you want to achieve, you’re wasting energy on trying to fit in or meet others’ expectations. This can prevent you from making the impact you’re capable of.


Focus on Your Goals and Vision


Instead of worrying about what others think, focus on your goals, your vision, and your true self. When you let go of the need to be liked, that’s when you can really start to make an impact. Here are some strategies to help you shift your mindset:


1. Stay True to Your Values


Your values are the foundation of who you are. They guide your decisions and actions. When you stay true to your values, you’re being authentic. You’re not compromising what you believe in just to be liked. This authenticity will attract people who share your values and support your vision.


2. Set Clear Boundaries


Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining your integrity. It’s okay to say no when something doesn’t align with your values or goals. By setting boundaries, you’re protecting your time, energy, and well-being. You’re also showing others that you respect yourself and your needs.


3. Focus on Self-Improvement


Instead of seeking approval from others, focus on improving yourself. Invest in your personal growth and development. Set goals that are meaningful to you and work towards them. When you’re focused on becoming the best version of yourself, you’ll find that you don’t need others’ approval to feel good about who you are.


Pamela and Natan's Journey: Choosing Authenticity Over Approval


Let me share a story about a couple I recently worked with, Pamela and Natan. They came to me as a Jewish couple wanting to plan their Jewish wedding in Toronto. Like many couples, they faced pressure from their families and friends to plan their wedding a certain way. Their families had strong opinions on how the Jewish wedding ceremony should be conducted, what Jewish wedding rituals should be included, and even what the Jewish wedding music should be.


Navigating Family Expectations


Pamela and Natan wanted their Jewish wedding to be a reflection of who they are as a couple. They wanted to include modern elements in their ceremony while still honoring the Jewish wedding traditions that were important to them. However, they were worried about disappointing their families by not following all of the traditional Jewish wedding customs.


Choosing Their Own Path


Through our discussions, I encouraged Pamela and Natan to stay true to their vision. I reminded them that their Jewish wedding was about celebrating their love and commitment, not about meeting others’ expectations. They decided to focus on what was meaningful to them, incorporating both traditional and modern elements into their Jewish wedding ceremony.


On their wedding day, Pamela and Natan had a beautiful Jewish wedding that was authentic to who they are. We included a traditional Jewish wedding chuppah and Jewish wedding ketubah, but also added modern Jewish wedding music that resonated with their personalities. Their ceremony was a perfect blend of tradition and personal touches, reflecting their unique love story.


By choosing authenticity over approval, Pamela and Natan were able to create a Jewish wedding ceremony that was true to who they are. They didn’t let the desire to be liked or the pressure to conform dictate their decisions. Instead, they focused on what was important to them and created a memorable and meaningful celebration.


The Benefits of Letting Go of the Need to Be Liked


Letting go of the need to be liked isn’t always easy, but it’s incredibly freeing. When you stop worrying about what others think, you can focus on what really matters—your goals, your vision, and your true self. Here are some benefits of letting go of the need to be liked:


1. Increased Confidence


When you’re not constantly seeking approval from others, you’ll find that your confidence grows. You’ll trust yourself and your decisions more, knowing that you’re staying true to your values and goals.


2. Greater Focus


Without the distraction of trying to please everyone, you’ll have more energy and focus to devote to your goals. You’ll be able to make progress and achieve the things that are important to you.


3. Authentic Relationships


When you’re authentic, you attract people who appreciate you for who you are. This leads to deeper, more meaningful relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.


Conclusion: Embrace Your True Self


Wanting to be liked is natural, but it can become a real weakness if it starts to drive your decisions. Don’t compromise your values or vision just to fit in. Focus on your goals, stay true to your authentic self, and you’ll find that you can make a real impact.


If you’re ready to embrace your true self and create a meaningful and authentic celebration, I’m here to help. As a Jewish wedding officiant and life coach, I’m committed to helping you plan a Jewish wedding that reflects who you are and what’s important to you. I was mentored by an amazing Jewish wedding Rabbi.Speak soon !


Cantor Ben


For more information about our Jewish wedding services, visit BenSilverberg.com and explore our offerings, including Jewish wedding ceremonies, Jewish wedding music, and Jewish newborn ceremonies.

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