Why Assumptions Can Ruin Relationships — And What Jewish Weddings Teach Us About Compassion

Hi, I’m Cantor Ben. I’ve been blessed to serve as a Jewish Wedding Officiant in Toronto for many years, helping couples create meaningful, heartfelt ceremonies. Along the way, I’ve witnessed not just the beauty of a Jewish Wedding Ceremony, but the deeper lessons Jewish tradition offers about how we treat each other.

Let me start with a story.

The Missed Birthday

There was once a girl who had a birthday party. She invited her best friend. The day came—balloons, cake, music—but her friend never showed up. No message. No explanation.

Her heart sank.“I guess I don’t matter to her,” she thought.

But what she didn’t know was this: that friend had been struggling with anxiety. That morning, she had a huge fight with her parents. Showing up just wasn’t possible.

The assumption? Rejection.The truth? A missed opportunity for understanding.

This is the danger of assumptions. They can damage friendships, weaken families, and even create unnecessary conflict in marriage.

Why This Story Matters

We often tell kids, “Trust your gut.” But sometimes the gut doesn’t tell the truth.

Snap judgments destroy friendships, block opportunities, and chip away at confidence. When couples or families assume the worst, they close the door on connection.

As someone who has officiated countless Traditional Jewish Weddings and Modern Jewish Weddings, I’ve seen that strong relationships are built not on assumptions, but on compassion. Leaders, partners, and true friends know how to pause and ask:

“What else could be going on here?”

This isn’t weakness. It’s emotional intelligence. And it’s the skill that separates couples who thrive from those who struggle.

A Life Coaching Analogy

Think of your emotions like a car’s dashboard.

When the “check engine” light comes on, you don’t throw away the car—you check what’s happening under the hood.

Your gut reaction is that warning light. It tells you something is off. But if you assume the first thought is always the truth, you’ll miss the real problem.

Smart drivers investigate. Smart leaders—and strong couples—do the same with their assumptions.

Nadia and Alex: A Real-Life Wedding Story

When I met Nadia and Alex, a wonderful Jewish couple from Toronto, I was struck by their openness. They chose me as their Jewish Wedding Cantor because they wanted a ceremony that was both rooted in Jewish Wedding Traditions and personal to their love story.

Their Jewish Wedding Toronto celebration was unforgettable. Under the Jewish Wedding Chuppah, surrounded by family and friends, we spoke about building a home filled not just with joy but with empathy. During the signing of the Jewish Wedding Ketubah, I reminded them of this truth: marriage is less about avoiding mistakes and more about how you respond when they happen.

Later, during the Jewish Wedding Reception, as the band played Jewish Wedding Music and guests danced the Jewish Wedding Hora, Nadia’s father pulled me aside. He said, “What you shared about not making assumptions—that’s exactly what my daughter and Alex needed to hear.”

Their story shows what every couple learns: that compassion keeps relationships alive long after the wedding flowers fade.

Jewish Weddings and Emotional Intelligence

One of the most powerful elements of Jewish Wedding Services is how rituals reinforce life lessons:• The Jewish Wedding Vows remind us that words carry power and permanence.• The breaking of the glass reflects life’s fragility, urging us to treasure our connections.• The Jewish Wedding Dance and communal celebrations emphasize that love thrives in community, not isolation.

And beyond the wedding, families often invite me back to officiate at a baby naming ceremony. Whether it is a baby naming ceremony Jewish or another form of Jewish newborn ceremony, these rituals remind us that every new stage of life is an opportunity to practice patience, presence, and compassion.

I’ve officiated at Jewish Baby Naming Services, complete with heartfelt Jewish Baby Naming Invitations, music, and gatherings that echo the joy of weddings. These moments tie couples like Nadia and Alex into a broader story—the story of Jewish continuity, resilience, and compassion across generations.

Your Challenge This Week

1. Catch the First Thought

When you feel rejected or ignored, write down your first assumption. Then ask: “What else could be true?”

2. Practice Curiosity

Instead of reacting, ask one gentle question. Example: “I noticed you were quiet today. Is everything okay?”

3. Reframe Rejection

The next time you assume someone doesn’t care, pause and remind yourself: “There might be more to their story than I see.”

Final Thought

People who assume the worst lose the best.

When you train yourself to slow down, question assumptions, and choose compassion, you don’t just save friendships—you build marriages that last, families that thrive, and communities that endure.

That’s what I’ve seen in the weddings I’ve been honored to officiate, including Nadia and Alex’s. From the Jewish Wedding Attire to the Jewish Wedding Decorations, from the heartfelt Jewish Wedding Invitations to the laughter at the Jewish Wedding Reception, every detail matters—but what matters most is the choice to see the best in each other.

I was mentored by a great Jewish Wedding Rabbi, and I carry forward those lessons in every ceremony I lead. But let me be clear: I am not a Rabbi. I am a Cantor. And my calling is to use Jewish tradition, story, and song to help couples build not just a wedding day, but a lifetime of connection.

So here’s my invitation to you:

If you’re planning a Jewish Wedding Toronto, a baby naming ceremony, or any Jewish newborn ceremonies, let’s create something beautiful together. One that honors tradition, celebrates your story, and builds the kind of love that lasts long after the last song of the Jewish Wedding Music fades.