The Danger of Assumptions: A Life and Wedding Lesson

Hi, I’m Cantor Ben. I was mentored by a great Jewish wedding Rabbi, but I am a Cantor—not a Rabbi. Over the years, I’ve officiated countless weddings across Toronto, from Traditional Jewish Weddings to Modern Jewish Weddings, and each ceremony has taught me something new about life, leadership, and love.

One lesson keeps surfacing, and it’s so powerful that I now share it with every couple I meet, whether we’re planning their Jewish Wedding Ceremony, their Jewish Wedding Reception, or even when we prepare for a baby naming ceremony later in life.

The lesson is this: assumptions can cost us more than we think.

The Story of a Missed Opportunity

You want to know what really costs people their shot at success?

It’s not a bad grade.It’s not a missed homework assignment.It’s a bad assumption.

Imagine this:

Your son gets a summer job. Day one, the manager shows up late. So he thinks: “Unprofessional. Lazy.”

The next day? His attitude is cold. Detached.

But what he didn’t know was this: that manager was driving their sick mom to chemo.

Now? That manager won’t be writing a reference letter anytime soon.

One snap judgment. One missed opportunity. That’s the real risk.

Why This Story Matters

When you assume the worst about someone, you don’t just hurt them—you limit yourself.

• That teacher you think is “picking on you”? Maybe they see potential you don’t.

• That friend who didn’t text back? Maybe they’re battling something you can’t see.

• That boss who seems tough? Maybe they’re carrying a weight you’ll never know.

People who assume the worst lose the best.

Leaders don’t jump to conclusions. Leaders choose curiosity over criticism. And that’s as true in daily life as it is in marriage.

A Wedding Story: Sam and Jack

When I met Sam and Jack, a Jewish couple from Toronto, I was struck by how much they wanted their wedding to reflect not just ritual, but meaning. They came to me looking for a Jewish Wedding Officiant who could create a ceremony that honored Jewish Wedding Traditions—the Jewish Wedding Ketubah, the Jewish Wedding Chuppah, the Jewish Wedding Vows, and of course, the Jewish Wedding Hora—while also speaking to the kind of life they wanted to build together.

During our conversations, they shared something beautiful. At first, when they began dating, they misunderstood each other often. Sam assumed Jack didn’t care about certain details when he stayed quiet. Jack assumed Sam was being critical when she asked questions.

But instead of letting those assumptions drive them apart, they chose curiosity. They asked, “What else could be going on here?” That choice built trust, and eventually, it led them to their stunning Jewish Wedding Toronto celebration that I had the honor to officiate.

Their story reminds us all: relationships thrive when we pause, when we look deeper, and when we give each other the benefit of the doubt.

Life Coaching Analogy

Think of people like books.

If you read only the cover, you’ll never understand the story.

Assumptions are like stopping at page one and pretending you know the ending. But the truth? You have no idea what’s written in the chapters you haven’t read.

Strong people don’t skim. They read deeper. That’s what I teach in coaching, and it’s what I share with couples as they prepare for marriage. A Jewish Wedding Cantor doesn’t just stand under the chuppah and sing. My role is to guide couples toward wisdom they can carry long after the Jewish Wedding Celebrations end.

Real-Life Story: Maya’s Compassion

One of my students, Maya, told me about a classmate who always seemed rude. He never smiled, never said hi, and looked annoyed all the time. Most people just labeled him “mean.”

But Maya decided not to assume. One day she sat next to him at lunch and asked how he was doing.

Turns out his dad had lost his job, and his family was struggling. He wasn’t mean. He was hurting.

That one conversation not only gave him a friend—it gave Maya a deeper sense of compassion. And now? She says she’s careful about the story she tells herself about other people.

Why This Matters for Weddings and Families

Marriage is built on curiosity, not assumption.

When I design Jewish Wedding Services, I often tell couples: the Jewish Wedding Customs we uphold—breaking the glass, circling under the Jewish Wedding Chuppah, signing the Jewish Wedding Ketubah—are not just traditions. They are lessons. They remind us that love isn’t about perfection. It’s about patience, trust, and seeing each other’s full story.

The same applies as families grow. When Sam and Jack one day plan a baby naming ceremony Jewish for their child, they’ll bring the same mindset: to see their child’s unique story unfold with patience and curiosity. I’ve officiated many Jewish newborn ceremonies where families celebrate not just the name, but the future chapters that child will write. These Jewish Baby Naming Services—with music, blessings, and joy—become powerful reminders that every soul carries a story worth discovering.

Your Challenge This Week

Here’s a practical exercise I give to couples and students alike:

1. Catch the Assumption

When you find yourself labeling someone—pause. Ask: “What else could be going on?”

2. Seek the Story

Start one conversation with someone you normally overlook. Ask them a genuine question and really listen.

3. Rewrite the Narrative

Think of one person you judged unfairly in the past. What could have been another explanation for their behavior?

Final Thought

Judgment shrinks your world. Curiosity expands it.

If you want to build trust, leadership, and deep relationships, stop writing people off too soon.

That’s the message I shared with Sam and Jack at their Jewish Wedding Ceremony in Toronto. And it’s the same wisdom I carry into every Jewish Baby Naming Celebration, every Jewish Wedding Dance, every gathering of our community.

You cannot control how others act. But you can control the story you tell yourself about them.

Choose wisely.

Follow-Up Reflection

• Have you ever judged someone quickly, only to find out later you were wrong? What happened?

• How would your relationships change if you gave people the benefit of the doubt more often?

Thanks

Ben