What If One of Us Cries Through Most of the Jewish Wedding Ceremony?

One of the sweetest questions I sometimes hear from couples before their Jewish Wedding Ceremony is also one of the most anxious:

“Cantor Ben, what if I start crying and cannot stop?”

My answer is simple.

Then you cry.

You are getting married.

You are standing beside the person you have chosen for your life.

Your parents may be watching.

Your grandparents may be there.

You may hear music that reminds you of your childhood.

You may look across the Jewish Wedding Chuppah and suddenly realize:

“This is actually happening.”

Of course you might cry.

When I officiated the wedding of Amber and Terry, a wonderful Jewish couple from Toronto, I was reminded that emotion does not interrupt a beautiful ceremony.

Emotion is often what makes the ceremony beautiful.

Crying Does Not Mean Something Is Going Wrong

Couples sometimes approach Wedding Anxiety as though every emotion needs to be controlled.

They worry about shaking.

Crying.

Forgetting what to say.

Laughing at the wrong moment.

Needing a second to compose themselves.

But I do not see a wedding as a performance.

You are not actors.

You are not expected to deliver a perfect production.

You are two people experiencing one of the most important moments of your lives.

If Amber gets emotional while looking at Terry, I do not want her thinking:

“I am ruining the ceremony.”

I want her thinking:

“I am allowed to feel this.”

A Good Jewish Wedding Officiant Knows When To Pause

This is where experience matters.

When someone becomes emotional, I do not rush them.

Sometimes I pause.

Sometimes I smile.

Sometimes I give them a moment to look at each other.

Sometimes a little appropriate humour helps release the tension.

Sometimes the right thing to do is absolutely nothing.

There is tremendous power in silence when the silence belongs to the moment.

As a Jewish Wedding Officiant, I am paying attention not only to the words on the page.

I am paying attention to Amber and Terry.

How are they feeling?

What does the room feel like?

Do they need a second?

Can I gently help them move forward?

The ceremony should respond to the couple. The couple should not have to fight their emotions to keep up with the ceremony.

Why Do Jewish Weddings Become So Emotional?

Jewish Wedding Traditions carry generations of meaning.

There is the Jewish Wedding Ketubah.

The wine.

The rings.

The blessings.

The Jewish Wedding Chuppah.

The breaking of the glass.

These Jewish Wedding Rituals and Jewish Wedding Customs connect a couple not only with each other but with Jewish families who have celebrated marriage for generations.

Then there is everything personal happening at the same time.

Parents watching their children marry.

Families coming together.

Memories of people who could not be there.

The realization that one chapter is ending and another is beginning.

That is a tremendous amount of emotion to hold in one moment.

Sometimes tears are simply love becoming visible.

I Want To Know Why Amber And Terry Chose Each Other

The emotion becomes even stronger when the ceremony is genuinely personal.

Before I officiate, I get to know my couples.

I ask what they love doing together.

I ask what qualities they most admire in one another.

I ask what they truly love about each other.

And I ask why they are choosing to get married.

Those answers allow me to create something that belongs to the couple.

When I speak about Amber and Terry, I do not want them hearing a generic speech about love.

I want them hearing their relationship reflected back to them.

That may be exactly when the tears begin.

And I consider that a compliment.

If the words reach the people they were written for, they are doing their job.

This Is Why My Background Shapes The Ceremony

I was mentored by a great Jewish wedding Rabbi.

My own approach brings together my work as a Jewish Wedding Cantor, licensed Ontario wedding officiant, singer, storyteller, public speaker, and certified Life Coach.

As a Cantor, I bring Jewish tradition and Jewish Wedding Music.

As a storyteller, I turn the couple’s experiences into part of the ceremony.

As a public speaker, I understand pacing, silence, humour, and emotion.

As a Life Coach, I listen for what makes the relationship work and the values that will matter after the wedding day.

I weave in Jewish wisdom, psychology, inspiration, and practical ideas about marriage.

I am not simply trying to get Amber and Terry through a ceremony. I want them to experience it.

What If I Cry During Our Jewish Wedding Vows?

If you choose to include Jewish Wedding Vows and become emotional, that is okay too.

Pause.

Breathe.

Look at your partner.

Continue when you are ready.

Most of the Jewish weddings I officiate do not include personal vows because they are not traditionally required.

Couples who do not want to speak extensively can share their thoughts with me beforehand instead.

I can incorporate what they love, admire, and appreciate about each other into my speech.

That allows couples to receive those emotional words without feeling pressure to perform them.

Modern Jewish Weddings can be deeply personal while still respecting the beauty of Traditional Jewish Weddings.

Do Not Plan Your Wedding Around Avoiding Emotion

Jewish Wedding Planning includes endless decisions.

The Jewish Wedding Venue.

The Jewish Wedding Photographer.

Jewish Wedding Decorations.

Jewish Wedding Invitations.

Jewish Wedding Attire.

Jewish Wedding Music.

Food.

Flowers.

The Jewish Wedding Reception.

The Jewish Wedding Dance.

The Jewish Wedding Hora.

All of these contribute to wonderful Jewish Wedding Celebrations.

But please do not add this to the list:

“Make sure I do not cry.”

Your Jewish Wedding Photographer may actually capture some of the most beautiful photographs of the entire day while you are emotional.

Your partner may remember that expression forever.

Your parents may cry because you are crying.

That is not something you need to prevent.

You spent months planning the details. Give yourself permission to experience the result.

What If I Am Worried I Will Not Be Able To Continue?

Tell me beforehand.

That is part of the Jewish Wedding Services I provide.

If I know you are especially worried about becoming overwhelmed, we can talk about it.

You will know that I am not going to embarrass you.

I am not going to announce that you are crying.

I am not going to make you feel that everyone is waiting impatiently.

I will help you through the moment naturally.

And very often, the couple discovers that once they stop trying so hard not to cry, the anxiety becomes much easier to manage.

Sometimes I Am Invited Back For The Next Emotional Milestone

One of my favourite parts of officiating weddings is sometimes hearing from couples again when their family grows.

They may contact me about a Baby naming ceremony or ask how a Baby naming ceremony Jewish tradition can become warm and personal.

I also provide Jewish Baby Naming Services, Jewish Baby Naming Rituals, a Jewish Newborn Ceremony, other Jewish newborn ceremonies, and serve as a Jewish Baby Naming Officiant.

Families may want guidance with Jewish Baby Naming Tradition, Jewish Baby Naming Celebration, Jewish Baby Naming Ceremony Planning, a Jewish Baby Naming Invitation, Jewish Baby Naming Ceremony Music, or a Jewish Baby Naming Reception.

Those ceremonies can produce plenty of happy tears too.

What If You Cry Through Your Jewish Wedding Ceremony?

Then perhaps you will remember exactly how deeply you felt the moment.

If you are planning a Jewish Wedding Toronto celebration and you are worried about Wedding Anxiety, tears, nerves, or becoming overwhelmed, tell me.

Tell me what makes you nervous.

Tell me about your relationship.

Tell me what you love about each other.

Tell me what you want the ceremony to feel like.

Then trust that we can create something that allows you to be present rather than perfect.

Amber and Terry did not need to control every emotion beneath the chuppah.

Neither do you.

Your wedding ceremony is not successful because nobody cries.

It is successful when two people can stand together, surrounded by the people they love, and feel the full weight and joy of the commitment they are making.

And if that brings tears?

Let them come.