Relationships can be fragile. Sometimes we feel abandoned, left out, or ignored by the people we care about most. These emotions can lead us down a path of resentment, often causing us to miss one simple truth: relationships are a two-way street. I learned this important lesson from a student of mine, and it reminded me of a touching story from Jack and Sandi, a couple whose Jewish wedding Toronto I had the honor of officiating.
Jack and Sandi’s relationship story perfectly illustrates how meaningful connections thrive when both parties are willing to take the first step. Their journey is a beautiful reflection of love, trust, and understanding—qualities that are just as vital in friendships as they are in marriage.
The Couple’s Journey: Jack and Sandi’s Jewish Wedding in Toronto
Jack and Sandi came to me to help plan their Jewish wedding ceremony. It was an incredible honor to officiate their big day as their Jewish wedding cantor. From our very first conversation, I could see how deeply they loved each other, but they were also honest about some challenges they had faced during their relationship.
One of their biggest hurdles? Miscommunication. Sandi shared that there were times when she felt Jack wasn’t putting in as much effort as she was. Jack, on the other hand, admitted he often felt the same way about Sandi. Both of them were waiting for the other to take the first step in reaching out, assuming that if the other truly cared, they’d make the effort.
When we talked about this during one of our meetings, I gently reminded them that even the strongest relationships need nurturing. “Sometimes,” I said, “we focus so much on what the other person isn’t doing that we forget to ask ourselves what we could be doing better.”
Clearing the Snow on Our Own Doorstep
This conversation reminded me of a teaching I often share with my students: the importance of looking inward before we look outward. It’s easy to focus on what others aren’t doing for us—like the snow piling up on their roof. But sometimes, we forget to clear the snow on our own doorstep.
Jack and Sandi took this to heart. They began making small but impactful changes in their relationship. Sandi started leaving sweet notes for Jack to find in the morning, and Jack began making time to call Sandi during his lunch breaks, just to ask how her day was going. These little gestures helped reignite the connection they both thought was fading.
Their wedding was one of the most beautiful Jewish wedding celebrations I’ve had the privilege of officiating. The love and renewed understanding between them shone brightly that day, a testament to the power of taking the first step in a relationship.
A Lesson in Building Connection
This story ties back to a student of mine who felt left out by his friends. He would watch their lives on social media, feeling more and more distant. When he came to me, he asked, “Why don’t they care about me?”
I asked him, “When was the last time you reached out to them?” His silence said it all. It hadn’t occurred to him that his friends might feel the same way—that perhaps they were also waiting for him to make the first move.
I encouraged him to reach out with a simple message: Hey, I’ve been thinking about you. How are you doing? To his surprise, his friends responded warmly. They missed him too. It wasn’t long before they were meeting up again, and the gap he thought was unfixable started to close.
Just like Jack and Sandi, my student learned that sometimes the answer lies in taking that first step.
How This Lesson Shapes Relationships
At weddings, whether traditional or modern Jewish weddings, I often see how this principle applies. Marriage is not a 50/50 arrangement—it’s 100/100. Each person must give their all, even during tough times. And as Jack and Sandi learned, small gestures can lead to big changes.
This is a lesson I carry into all aspects of my work, whether officiating Jewish weddings, mentoring students, or guiding parents through baby naming ceremonies.
Beyond Weddings: Building Community
This approach also extends to community building. Whether you’re celebrating a baby naming ceremony Jewish tradition, preparing for a bar or bat mitzvah, or planning your dream wedding, relationships are at the core of every event. The effort you put into connecting with others often determines the richness of the experience.
From choosing the perfect Jewish wedding venue to selecting the right music for the hora dance, each decision is a chance to create meaningful connections with loved ones. These celebrations remind us that relationships thrive on effort, understanding, and mutual care.
Applying This Lesson to Your Life
Think about your own relationships—whether with friends, family, or a partner. Are you waiting for someone else to reach out, or could you take the first step?
At Jewish weddings, I often remind couples that marriage is about choosing each other daily. The same applies to friendships and family bonds. By focusing on what you can do to strengthen those connections, you open the door to deeper, more meaningful relationships.
Creating Lasting Connections
Jack and Sandi’s wedding in Toronto wasn’t just a celebration of their love; it was a celebration of their growth as individuals and as a couple. Their willingness to take the first step in rebuilding their connection is a reminder that relationships require effort—but that effort is always worth it.
As someone mentored by a great Jewish wedding Rabbi, I’ve learned that love and connection are at the heart of every tradition, from the chuppah to the ketubah. These rituals remind us of the importance of mutual care and understanding.
If you’re planning your own Jewish wedding, considering a baby naming ceremony, or simply looking for ways to strengthen your relationships, remember this: the strongest connections are built one step at a time.
Take that step today. Reach out, show kindness, and create the connections that will last a lifetime. Because in the end, it’s not about waiting for others to care—it’s about choosing to care first.
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