Brides and grooms come to me, Cantor Ben to see if I would be a good fit to marry them. As a jewish wedding cantor who officiates weddings, brides and grooms look to me not just to help them understand what makes a Jewish wedding ceremony meaningful and memorable, and what they need to do to satisfy the Province of Ontario, but they would like often to discuss what goes into making a successful marriage, and how to stack the deck in your favor so that you stay together as a couple. So the other day I had a bride and groom meet me over zoom and we were talking about their upcoming wedding which we agreed I would officiate and they talked about negative influences that sometimes present themselves in the form of people who come into their lives who are not just jealous but envious.
I read once that jealousy is about when people want what you have, but envy is that when they look at you, they want you to fail and not have what you have. And this couple told me about so-called friends of theirs that would make very rude comments about things in their home or their choices in clothes and these comments were not only hurtful and so negative, but really cast the storm cloud over my couples head to the point where they just got them so depressed
My advice to them is that life is just too short, and you need to surround yourself with positivity. And the other issue was that my couple were starting to argue amongst each other and their relationship was affected because they were bickering about how to reply to comments made by this other couple.
They decided to stop being friends with this couple, and they found themselves in much better spirits, and not feeling depressed or negative any longer, and the bickering between the two of them certainly stopped as well. Did you know when you thought about approaching a Cantor to officiate a wedding that you’re going to learn about all the do’s and don’ts to go into a wedding ceremony and how to have a successful marriage? Now don’t get me wrong. We do spend time talking about the ceremony itself. These things get covered as well in the discussion but I’m honored that I’m able to have conversations with brides and grooms about their upcoming weddings and also their upcoming marriage and how to help them succeed as husband and wife.
And I told this bride and groom that I’m a relationship builder I’m not transactional, which means that I hope that after the wedding that they will stay in touch with me and call me to be a part of their lives for Baby Naming ceremonies, and when their kids get older, I would teach their children bar and bat mitzvah lessons - that I will there for them as their go to Cantor. Am I thinking of it as a pipeline for future business? Lol maybe - but it’s so much more because I build relationships and strengthen relationships with anybody that I come in contact with in life. That’s just who I am 🙂