Introduction: The People Around You Shape Your Future
They say misery loves company—but here’s the truth: you don’t have to accept the invite.
The people you surround yourself with influence every part of your life—your mindset, your energy, your happiness. And nowhere is this more important than in marriage.
As a Jewish wedding officiant, I’ve seen firsthand how the strongest marriages aren’t just built on love, but on the right environment. A couple that surrounds themselves with positivity, encouragement, and support will flourish. But if they allow negativity to creep in—whether through toxic friendships, unhealthy family dynamics, or constant complaints—they risk getting stuck in patterns that drain their happiness.
Marni and Benji, a couple whose Jewish wedding ceremony I officiated in Toronto, experienced this firsthand. Their story is a perfect example of why choosing the right influences in marriage is so important.
Marni and Benji: A Lesson in Protecting Your Marriage from Negativity
Marni and Benji had a beautiful wedding filled with Jewish wedding traditions, from the Jewish wedding chuppah to the joyful Jewish wedding hora. Their love for each other was undeniable.
But after their Jewish wedding celebrations, they noticed something troubling. A few of their closest friends—who had been with them for years—were constantly complaining about marriage.
💬 “Marriage is exhausting.”
💬 “Your freedom is over.”
💬 “Just wait—honeymoon phase doesn’t last.”
At first, they laughed it off. But over time, those words started sinking in. When they had a minor disagreement, they’d think, “Maybe our friends were right.” Instead of working through issues constructively, they started expecting problems—simply because their environment had conditioned them to believe marriage was supposed to be difficult.
That’s when they reached out to me. As a Jewish wedding cantor, I’ve helped many couples not only prepare for their wedding but for the marriage that follows. And here’s what I told them:
👉 You don’t rise by hanging around people who pull you down.
👉 If your circle is full of complainers, you won’t grow—you’ll just get stuck with them.
👉 Cutting out negativity isn’t harsh—it’s necessary.
The happiest couples don’t let negativity shape their mindset. Instead, they protect their marriage like a sacred space, surrounding themselves with people who uplift, encourage, and inspire them.
Why Your Environment Determines Your Happiness
Many couples believe that their relationship will be strong no matter what. But just like a Jewish wedding ketubah outlines the responsibilities in marriage, you need to set boundaries for the energy you allow into your life.
Think of it this way:
🥀 If you plant a beautiful flower in toxic soil, will it grow? No matter how much love and care you give it, the environment will eventually poison it.
That’s what happens when you allow constant negativity into your relationship.
🌱 But if you plant that flower in rich, nourishing soil—filled with encouragement, wisdom, and respect—it will flourish.
This is why Jewish wedding customs emphasize community. Marriage isn’t just about two people—it’s about the support system that surrounds them. That’s why couples invite family and friends to witness their vows, why they dance the Jewish wedding hora with loved ones, and why traditions like the Jewish wedding chuppah symbolize not just the couple, but the home they are building together.
If your “home” is surrounded by people who are bitter, pessimistic, or toxic, it will be hard to build a joyful marriage. But if you intentionally cultivate friendships that uplift and inspire you, your relationship will grow stronger.
How to Create a Positive Marriage Environment
So how do you protect your marriage from negativity? Here are three powerful steps:
1. Choose Your Inner Circle Wisely
Not everyone deserves a front-row seat to your marriage. If you notice certain friends or family members constantly spreading negativity about relationships, take a step back. That doesn’t mean cutting people out completely—it just means being mindful of their influence.
👎 Avoid: Chronic complainers, people who criticize your spouse, those who mock marriage.
👍 Seek: Friends who celebrate love, couples who support and uplift each other, mentors who model healthy relationships.
2. Set Boundaries on Negative Conversations
If someone starts complaining about their marriage, it’s easy to get pulled into the negativity. But you can set boundaries in a respectful way.
Instead of engaging, try saying:
💡 “I understand that marriage has challenges, but I want to focus on the positive things in my relationship.”
💡 “Have you considered working on that issue with your spouse instead of venting about it?”
By shifting the conversation, you protect your own mindset while encouraging others to take a healthier approach.
3. Surround Yourself with Marriage Role Models
Just like a Jewish wedding rabbi or Jewish wedding cantor guides a couple through their wedding, having marriage mentors can be life-changing.
Find couples who inspire you—those who have built strong, loving marriages over time. Learn from them. Ask them how they handle challenges. Observe the way they support each other.
By surrounding yourself with couples who uplift, rather than tear down, you set yourself up for long-term happiness.
Final Thought: Choose Your Environment, Choose Your Future
Marni and Benji took this advice seriously. They made small but powerful shifts:
✅ They spent less time around people who spoke negatively about marriage.
✅ They joined a couples’ group filled with inspiring, supportive people.
✅ They started focusing on what was working in their marriage, instead of fearing what could go wrong.
And guess what? Their entire perspective on marriage changed. Instead of feeling drained by negativity, they felt energized by love, joy, and gratitude.
The truth is, your mindset is shaped by the company you keep. If you want a happy, thriving marriage, you must be intentional about who influences you.
So here’s my challenge for you:
💡 Who are the five people who influence your relationship the most?
💡 Do they uplift your marriage, or do they drain it?
💡 What’s one step you can take today to surround yourself with more positive influences?
Marriage is too precious to let negativity creep in. Protect it. Cherish it. And choose your company wisely.
Looking for More Jewish Wedding Wisdom?
If you’re planning a Jewish wedding Toronto, looking for guidance on Jewish wedding services, or want to ensure your marriage starts on the strongest foundation, I’d love to help.
As a Jewish wedding cantor, I’ve helped countless couples navigate not just their wedding day, but their journey beyond the Jewish wedding ceremony.
Let’s build something lasting—together.
💍 Contact me today to discuss your Jewish wedding planning and traditions.
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