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Don’t be selfish!

Updated: Sep 18, 2023

Although it will never show up on any survey, more marriages are broken up by selfishness than any other reason. Surveys blame it on finances, lack of commitment, infidelity, or incompatibility, but the root cause for most of these reasons is selfishness. A selfish person is committed only to himself or herself, shows little patience, and never learns how to be a successful spouse. Give your hopes, dreams, and life to your partner. And begin to live life together.

This is a simple call to value our marriages, treat them with great care, and invest in them daily.

Accomplishing the marriage advice listed above will always require nearly every bit of yourself—but it so worth it if you want to learn how to have a happy marriage.

A successful and healthy marriage is more valuable than most of the temporal things we chase after with our lives. And will always last longer.

I had a lovely bride and groom meet me before their Jewish wedding to discuss their Jewish wedding ceremony with me. As a Cantor who officiates Jewish wedding ceremonies, brides and grooms like to talk with me about marriage in general and what makes a successful marriage. We got onto speaking with this couple about how to be selfless and avoid selfishness and a marriage. And the conversation turned to finances and how while it is fine if you want to keep two separate banking accounts as a husband and wife, there needs to be full transparency and conversation and thinking it is “our money” not “my money.” It’s healthy to have it organized which one of you will look after the mortgage payments, the phone bill etc. but imagine this – surprising your partner with an E transfer payment just because you want to help out. By having separate accounts you can do these selfless acts of kindness to your spouse by sending the money unexpectedly when they have an unexpected expense or you want to treat them to a new item of clothing.

Look to be selfless and not selfish which can be something so small and simple as making a coffee first thing for your partner and bringing it to them before sitting down to enjoy your own.

If you embrace the mindset of always looking to be kind and gracious to your partner, you’re setting yourself up for a much better chance at a long lasting and loving and healthy marriage. My bride and groom were so pleased that at our meeting we didn’t just talk about the Jewish wedding ceremony and all the components. We also spoke about what will set them up for a lifetime of love and happiness and a loving and long lasting marriage.

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