How Do I Find the Right Words for My Jewish Wedding Vows or Ceremony Script?

Planning a Jewish wedding can be one of the most meaningful journeys a couple takes together. But there’s a moment in the process that often brings both excitement and nerves: writing the vows or crafting the script for the ceremony itself. For many couples, the challenge is not love, it’s language. How do you put such deep feelings into words that feel authentic, Jewish, and personal?

That’s the question Brit and Adam from Toronto asked me when they first began planning their Jewish wedding ceremony. They weren’t looking for a cookie-cutter celebration. They wanted something traditional yet modern, spiritual but deeply personal. Most importantly, they wanted their love story to be heard and felt under the chuppah.

As a Jewish wedding officiant and Jewish wedding cantor in Toronto, I was honoured to help Brit and Adam shape the words, rituals, and rhythm of their wedding ceremony so that it reflected who they are as individuals and as a couple.

Whether you’re planning a traditional Jewish wedding or a modern Jewish wedding, here’s how I guide couples through finding the right words — and how you can create a ceremony script or vows that feel true to you.

Start with the Why, Not the What

Brit and Adam were clear about one thing: they didn’t just want a beautiful wedding; they wanted a marriage built on meaning. So before we talked about ketubahs or music or what to say under the chuppah, I asked them a simple question: What does this moment mean to you?

This question unlocks everything. Because at its core, a Jewish wedding ceremony is not a performance. It’s a covenant. A sacred commitment. And your vows — or your spoken reflections within the ceremony — are your way of saying, “This is how I promise to love you, today and every day forward.”

Some couples choose to write Jewish wedding vows, while others prefer to share reflections in a scripted part of the ceremony. Either way, the right words flow from knowing why you’re standing under that canopy.

Understand the Rituals, Then Personalize Them

Every Jewish wedding ceremony includes ancient elements that have stood the test of time. The Jewish wedding Ketubah, chuppah, circling ritual, seven blessings, and the breaking of the glass all have powerful symbolism. Brit and Adam were deeply curious about these Jewish wedding customs and wanted to honour them.

At CoolCantor, I always explain the “why” behind each ritual before we explore how to make it your own. For example, the chuppah represents the home you will build together. So Brit and Adam chose to have theirs constructed using fabric from both of their grandmothers’ wedding dresses — a stunning tribute to generations past.

The Ketubah was written in modern Hebrew and English, blending tradition with intentionality. Their Jewish wedding music included both Israeli classics and an acoustic version of a song they listened to on their first road trip. Their vows? A mix of personal stories, inside jokes, and sacred promises that made everyone laugh and cry.

This is the heart of Jewish wedding planning. You begin with Jewish wedding traditions, and then you layer in meaning, creativity, and connection.

Use the Right Framework

A blank page is overwhelming. That’s why I offer each couple a template that includes traditional blessings, options for personal reflections, and a ceremony order. This is especially helpful when crafting your own Jewish wedding vows or building a personalized Jewish wedding ceremony script.

Brit and Adam appreciated the balance. I guided them as they wrote their own words, but we anchored everything within the flow of the sacred structure. Think of it like jazz. The melody is ancient, but there’s always room for improvisation.

For couples who feel unsure or shy about writing or public speaking, I offer coaching and even collaborative writing. As someone who was mentored by a great Jewish wedding Rabbi, I’ve developed an approach that blends tradition, modern meaning, and the emotional intelligence that couples need at such a pivotal moment.

Think Beyond the Wedding Day

Brit and Adam’s story didn’t end with the glass breaking. A year later, I was honoured to be asked to lead their baby naming ceremony, Jewish style — a beautiful continuation of their journey.

Their Jewish baby naming ceremony was intimate, joyful, and deeply spiritual. We celebrated with traditional blessings, Hebrew naming customs, and heartfelt reflections on what values they hoped to pass on. Whether it’s a Jewish newborn ceremony or a Jewish baby naming reception, I believe these milestones are sacred extensions of the love story that begins under the chuppah.

It’s why I offer Jewish baby naming services and help families plan everything from Jewish baby naming invitations to music to blessings that honour both heritage and the future.

The Role of a Cantor (Not a Rabbi)

People sometimes ask, “Do we need a Jewish wedding Rabbi to officiate?” The answer is: only if you want to. I am not a Rabbi. I am a Jewish wedding Cantor, and I bring deep musicality, spiritual insight, and heartfelt coaching to every ceremony I lead. I was mentored by a Rabbi, but my role is unique.

I sing the prayers. I guide the couple emotionally. I help families connect across generations. I believe the best Jewish wedding services are those that are felt as much as they are heard.

Final Thought: The Words Will Come When the Heart Is Open

Brit and Adam didn’t start with perfect words. They started with love, intention, and curiosity. And from there, the right words emerged — words that brought their families to tears, words that set the tone for a marriage built on respect, humour, and joy.

If you are planning a Jewish wedding in Toronto, or anywhere really, and want a ceremony that feels personal, sacred, and unforgettable, I would be honoured to help. Whether you need a Jewish wedding officiant, guidance on Jewish wedding traditions, help choosing a Jewish wedding venue, or support with your vows, you do not have to do it alone.

I believe that love deserves language that reflects the depth of your story. Let’s find those words together.