Research shows that couples who regularly celebrate the good times have higher levels of commitment, intimacy, trust, and relationship satisfaction… It’s not enough that your partner knows that you take pride in his or her accomplishments. You have to show it. Making a fuss over the small, good things that happen every day can boost the health of your marriage.
I recently had a bride and groom come to me as they wanted me to officiate the Jewish wedding ceremony because that’s what I do as a Cantor - they asked me if there were any secret tips to help skew things in their favor for a happy and successful marriage. I shared with them the benefit of my knowledge of knowing couples who I’ve married for 20 years and of course my own marriage and that it’s really wonderful to celebrate the good news and it doesn’t have to be big things either.
We think in terms of when a spouse comes home and celebrates with news of a raise at work or a promotion. But when your spouse comes home and tells you that someone said something to them kind in a meeting in front of others and made them feel validated and good, you as the spouse should make a big deal of this because it is validating and empowering and it’s important to show your pride and respect and love for your partner by displaying excitement.
Imagine the reverse of your spouse coming home and telling you about something that was said about them at a meeting that was kind and you either just fluff it off or ignore it and you have your face buried in your iPhone or you change the subject quickly - imagine how hurtful that can be.
Something that can seem so insignificant and small can make such an impactful and big difference when you do celebrate these little small wins. And don’t forget that the small wins can be thousands of small ones over the lifetime of a marriage. Just like a condo wasn’t built in a day, a marriage takes years to build and every kind word that is said, is another brick leading up to the most luxurious beautiful penthouse at the top of the condo.
The bride and groom really appreciated the conversation that we had in preparation for the wedding and I thought that all I was going to talk about was the Jewish wedding ceremony and they were so thrilled that we got into the weeds as it were about what makes a successful marriage.