Can We Write Our Own Vows and Still Keep a Traditional Jewish Wedding?

By Cantor Ben

When I first met Ashley and Brian, they were sitting on their couch in Toronto, excited to plan a meaningful Jewish wedding that would bring together their families, traditions, and personal love story. They had just secured their Jewish wedding venue and were beginning the process of Jewish wedding planning. As we sipped tea and talked through their vision, Ashley hesitated for a moment, then asked a question I have heard more and more over the past few years.

Can we write our own vows and still keep a traditional Jewish wedding?

It is a question that touches many couples today. They want the beauty of Jewish wedding customs and the structure of a sacred Jewish wedding ceremony. But they also want their words to feel like their own.

The answer, when approached with care and guidance, is yes. You absolutely can.

Tradition and Personal Meaning Can Coexist

Judaism is a faith rooted in memory, ritual, and intentional living. Traditional Jewish weddings follow a beautiful arc that includes the signing of the Jewish wedding Ketubah, the circling ritual, the Sheva Brachot blessings, and the joyful breaking of the glass. These are non-negotiables for many families.

But within that structure, there is room to breathe.

Ashley and Brian wanted their Jewish wedding ceremony to include all the Jewish wedding traditions their parents and grandparents expected. They wanted the Jewish wedding chuppah, the music, the blessings, and even the classic Jewish wedding dance at the reception. But they also wanted a moment to speak directly from their hearts.

That is where my role as a Jewish wedding officiant came in. I was mentored by a great Jewish wedding Rabbi who taught me how to guide couples through this balance. I bring that wisdom into every ceremony I lead.

As a Jewish wedding Cantor, I worked closely with Ashley and Brian to make sure their ceremony honored tradition while making space for something personal.

Where Do Personal Vows Fit Into a Jewish Wedding Ceremony?

The beauty of Jewish wedding rituals is that they follow a clear and sacred structure. There is a moment for everything. With thoughtful planning, we can include personal vows at the perfect time.

For Ashley and Brian, we placed their personal vows right before the traditional recitation of the Sheva Brachot. This allowed the sacred blessings to follow their spoken promises, wrapping them in holiness.

Ashley wrote about Brian’s calm strength and how he had supported her through the loss of her grandfather. Brian spoke about Ashley’s fierce love for her family and how he knew from their second date that he wanted to grow old with her. These vows were not long. But they were unforgettable.

No part of the ceremony felt disjointed. It was seamless. Their guests laughed, cried, and leaned in close.

Families Felt Honored

One concern couples often express is how to include personal vows without upsetting family members who expect a traditional Jewish wedding. What I always say is this. If it is done with care, families do not feel left out. They feel moved.

At Ashley and Brian’s Jewish wedding in Toronto, both sets of parents came up to me afterward with tears in their eyes. One of the grandmothers pulled me aside and said, “I have been to many weddings, but this one felt like home.”

That is the power of blending traditional Jewish weddings with emotional authenticity.

Jewish Wedding Planning with Intention

In our planning sessions, Ashley and Brian were thoughtful about every detail. Their Jewish wedding invitations reflected the tone of joy and sacredness they were hoping for. Their Jewish wedding attire was classic with a touch of personality. Their Jewish wedding photographer captured candid moments of their vow exchange, tears and all.

The Jewish wedding decorations included a tallit that had belonged to Ashley’s grandfather, sewn into the top of the Jewish wedding chuppah. Their Jewish wedding music included a blend of traditional melodies and modern instrumentals. Even the Jewish wedding Ketubah they chose reflected both their shared values and their families’ traditions.

This is what modern Jewish weddings are about. Honoring the past while creating space for the present.

What Happens After the Wedding

A few months after their Jewish wedding celebration, Ashley and Brian reached out to me again. They were expecting their first child and wanted to talk about planning their Jewish newborn ceremony.

We talked about options for their Jewish baby naming ceremony. They chose to name their daughter in honor of Brian’s grandmother and planned a Jewish baby naming celebration filled with music, light, and warmth.

Their Jewish baby naming ceremony included blessings, candle lighting, and the same gentle emotional tone as their wedding. They even wrote a few words to their daughter, expressing what her name meant and what they hoped for her future. It reminded me of their wedding vows.

In that moment, I saw the thread between their Jewish wedding services and their Jewish baby naming rituals. Love, intention, and legacy.

Whether I am acting as a Jewish wedding officiant or a Jewish baby naming officiant, the goal is always the same. Create space for memory and meaning.

Final Thoughts on Writing Your Own Vows

If you are planning a Jewish wedding and wondering if you can write your own vows while still having a traditional Jewish wedding ceremony, know this. You can.

With the guidance of an experienced Jewish wedding Cantor, you can craft a ceremony that includes Jewish wedding customs and rituals while also reflecting your unique love story.

Jewish wedding services do not have to be one size fits all. You can include personal vows, custom music, meaningful Jewish wedding decorations, and still honor your heritage.

Modern Jewish weddings are not about replacing tradition. They are about deepening it.

If you are looking for a Jewish wedding officiant who can help you navigate that path, I would be honored to guide you. From your first Jewish wedding planning meeting to the final joyful Jewish wedding hora, and even into Jewish baby naming invitation design and Jewish baby naming ceremony music, I am with you every step of the way.

Your love story deserves to be told in your own words. Let’s make those words part of something timeless.