Is It Okay to Skip the Hora or Jewish Dancing at the Reception?

Meet Sam and Jax

Sam and Jax are a beautiful couple from Toronto. When we first met to discuss their Jewish Wedding Ceremony, they were excited, curious, and deeply committed to making their day feel meaningful. But during one of our planning conversations, Jax paused and asked something many couples wonder but are afraid to say out loud:

“Do we have to do the hora? What if we’re not into being lifted in chairs in front of everyone?”

Their question was honest and real. And it opened the door to a deeper conversation — one that many modern couples are having.

So let’s talk about it.

The Jewish Wedding Hora: Celebration, Not Obligation

The hora, often known as “that part where you’re lifted in a chair,” is one of the most iconic Jewish Wedding Traditions. It’s full of energy, music, clapping, and joy. People form circles, dance wildly, and celebrate the couple with pure, loving chaos.

But here’s the truth: you are allowed to skip it.

As a Jewish Wedding Officiant and Jewish Wedding Cantor who has been blessed to lead hundreds of weddings across Toronto and beyond, I can tell you this with confidence:

Your Jewish Wedding Celebration should reflect you. Not pressure. Not an obligation. Not fear of what “should” be done.

Sam and Jax wanted their wedding to be joyful, not performative. They didn’t feel comfortable being hoisted into the air. And that was perfectly okay.

We built a ceremony and reception that honored their values and personalities without sacrificing any of the spiritual depth or beauty of their Jewish Wedding Traditions.

The Meaning Behind the Movement

Traditionally, the Jewish Wedding Hora is a communal way to express joy. Dancing in circles symbolizes unity and the ongoing rhythm of Jewish life. It’s fun. It’s loud. It’s memorable.

But the true power of Jewish Wedding Customs lies in intention, not choreography.

Sam and Jax still wanted to include Jewish Wedding Music, laughter, and movement. But they chose something different.

Instead of a hora, they invited their loved ones to form a circle around them for a group blessing. We lit candles. Their Jewish Wedding Photographer captured the moment. There were tears. There was clapping. And yes, there was dancing — later in the night — but on their own terms.

This was still a powerful Jewish Wedding Celebration. One that their friends and family called unforgettable.

Reimagining the Reception: Alternatives That Still Feel Jewish

If you’re not sure the hora is for you, here are a few ideas I’ve seen work beautifully in past weddings I’ve officiated as a Jewish Wedding Cantor:

• Circle of Blessing: Invite guests to form a human circle around the couple while music plays. Offer a heartfelt communal toast or personal words of blessing.

• Love Story First Dance: Share your story while dancing slowly. I narrate pieces of your journey together while you dance, making it both personal and deeply emotional.

• Modern Jewish Music Moments: Choose modern or instrumental versions of traditional Jewish songs that play in the background during the Jewish Wedding Reception or cocktail hour.

•  Mitzvah Moments: Invite guests to write a mitzvah (a good deed) they will do in your honor and place it in a box near the dance floor or ceremony space.

The goal is not to reject tradition. It is to live it in a way that feels real and joyful.

What Matters Most: Connection and Consent

As someone who was mentored by a great Jewish Wedding Rabbi, I learned early on that tradition only matters when it is infused with meaning. And that meaning must come from the couple.

I am not a Rabbi. I am a Cantor. But I am honored to walk couples through not only the Jewish Wedding Ceremony, but the emotional preparation that leads up to it.

That includes questions like: • What Jewish Wedding Customs speak to you? • What Jewish Wedding Rituals feel like a stretch? • How can we blend Modern Jewish Weddings with tradition? • How do we include family without losing ourselves?

Whether you are planning a big ballroom wedding or a backyard gathering, I guide you through Jewish Wedding Planning with care, patience, and calm. And yes, if you want to skip the hora, you can.

What Sam and Jax Taught Me

Their wedding, held at a stunning Jewish Wedding Venue in Toronto, was filled with light, laughter, and love. Their Jewish Wedding Invitations had a line that read:

“We welcome you to witness a ceremony filled with intention and joy.”

They chose elegant Jewish Wedding Decorations, wrote their own Jewish Wedding Vows, and stood beneath a Jewish Wedding Chuppah built by Jax’s grandfather.

There was no hora. But there was dancing.

There was no chair lifting. But there were tears.

There were no rules—just rhythm.

Their ceremony reminded me that every couple brings something sacred to the table: their story.

As their Jewish Wedding Officiant, my role was to help them honour it.

What About Other Ceremonies?

After the wedding, Sam and Jax invited me to lead a baby naming ceremony Jewish families often hold. They welcomed a daughter a year later. Their Jewish Newborn Ceremony was intimate, filled with candlelight and blessings.

Whether I am leading a Baby Naming Ceremony, Jewish Baby Naming Celebration, or Jewish Wedding Ceremony, my approach is always the same:

Respect. Connection. Meaning.

That’s what tradition is about.

You Have the Freedom to Choose

If you’re planning your Jewish Wedding Toronto and wondering whether you have to follow every tradition exactly — I’m here to tell you that the most meaningful Jewish weddings are the ones where you feel seen.

Let’s create that together. No pressure. No performance.

Just a wedding filled with love, music, intention — and maybe dancing. Or maybe not.

I would be honored to be your Jewish Wedding Officiant, guiding you through every detail and helping you make it your own.

Reach out anytime.

Let’s start with what matters to you.

Thanks, Cantor Ben