One of Us Has Been Married Before. Can We Still Have a Traditional Jewish Wedding?

One of the more sensitive questions I receive from couples sounds something like this:

“Cantor Ben, one of us has been married before. Can we still have a traditional Jewish wedding?”

My answer is often very reassuring.

Yes. A previous marriage does not mean your next Jewish wedding has to feel less Jewish, less meaningful, or less celebratory.

There is, however, an important Jewish requirement that needs to be addressed. If there was a previous Jewish marriage for which a Get is required, I require the appropriate Get before I will officiate the new marriage.

Once that has been properly taken care of, we can turn our attention toward something much more exciting:

The marriage you are about to create.

That was important when I got to know Jonny and Sam, a Jewish couple from Toronto whose wedding I had the privilege of officiating.

Their story reminded me that a Second Jewish Wedding should never feel like a consolation prize.

A Second Wedding Is Not A Second Class Wedding

Sometimes people carry unnecessary embarrassment into a new relationship.

“I have done this before.”

“Will people judge me?”

“Can we still have the traditions?”

“Should we make the ceremony less elaborate because this is not my first marriage?”

I do not think those are the most important questions.

The question I care about is:

What does this marriage mean to the two people standing in front of me today?

Jonny and Sam were not recreating somebody’s past.

They were creating their future.

That deserves to be celebrated.

What Is A Get And Why Does It Matter?

A Get is a Jewish religious divorce document.

If someone was previously married in a Jewish marriage and a Get is required, that previous marriage needs to be properly resolved under Jewish law before I will officiate another Jewish marriage.

This is something I want to know early in the Jewish Wedding Planning process.

I would much rather have the conversation at the beginning than discover an unresolved issue shortly before the wedding.

If you are unsure whether your circumstances require a Get, that should be clarified appropriately before moving forward.

The purpose is not to judge the past. It is to make sure we can begin the new Jewish marriage properly.

Can We Still Have Traditional Jewish Wedding Rituals?

Absolutely.

A Second Jewish Wedding can still incorporate beautiful Jewish Wedding Traditions, Jewish Wedding Rituals, and Jewish Wedding Customs.

You can stand beneath a Jewish Wedding Chuppah.

There can be a Jewish Wedding Ketubah.

There can be wine and blessings.

There can be rings.

There can be meaningful Jewish Wedding Vows.

There can be beautiful Jewish Wedding Music.

There can be the breaking of the glass followed by an enormous Mazel Tov.

Then everyone can head to the Jewish Wedding Reception for the Jewish Wedding Hora, Jewish Wedding Dance, and all the other Jewish Wedding Celebrations.

Tradition does not become less meaningful simply because someone has experienced marriage before.

In some ways, the meaning can become even deeper.

Experience Can Change The Meaning Of Marriage

This is something I see through my work as a certified Life Coach.

Someone entering a later marriage may understand relationships differently than they did years earlier.

Perhaps they have learned how important communication is.

Maybe they understand compromise differently.

Perhaps they recognize how essential friendship is within marriage.

Maybe they have learned what they need from a partner and what they themselves need to give.

Experience can bring perspective.

That does not guarantee a perfect marriage.

Nothing does.

But it can allow two people to stand beneath the chuppah with a deeper understanding of the commitment they are making.

The past does not have to compete with the future. It can teach us how to build the future more thoughtfully.

I Wanted Jonny And Sam’s Ceremony To Sound Like Jonny And Sam

This is central to how I approach Jewish Wedding Services.

Before the wedding, I get to know my couples.

How did you meet?

What attracted you to each other?

What do you admire about your partner?

What makes you laugh?

What have you overcome together?

What do you want your marriage to feel like?

I was mentored by a great Jewish wedding Rabbi.

Today, my own approach combines my work as a Jewish Wedding Cantor, licensed Ontario wedding officiant, singer, storyteller, public speaker, and certified Life Coach.

I bring all of those skills into the Jewish Wedding Ceremony.

I do not want to take a generic ceremony and simply insert Jonny and Sam’s names. I want their guests to hear the ceremony and know it could only belong to them.

Traditional Jewish Weddings Can Still Be Personal

Some couples assume Traditional Jewish Weddings must follow a completely impersonal script.

I do not believe tradition and personalization are opposites.

Jewish tradition gives us the foundation.

Your relationship gives the ceremony its personality.

That is equally true for Modern Jewish Weddings.

I can explain the traditions conversationally so both Jewish and non Jewish guests understand what is happening.

I can use cantorial singing to bring emotion into the ceremony.

And I can tell the couple’s story so guests are not simply watching rituals.

They understand why these two people have chosen each other.

That is the experience I wanted for Jonny and Sam.

Your Wedding Is About More Than The Details

There are countless decisions involved in planning a Jewish Wedding Toronto celebration.

The Jewish Wedding Venue.

Jewish Wedding Photographer.

Jewish Wedding Decorations.

Jewish Wedding Invitations.

Jewish Wedding Attire.

Flowers.

Food.

Music.

All of those details can contribute to an extraordinary day.

But none of them explains why you are getting married.

Your relationship does.

That is why choosing the right Jewish Wedding Officiant matters so much.

The person standing with you beneath the chuppah should understand that this is not simply an event.

This is one of the defining moments in your story together.

Sometimes I Am Invited Back For Another Family Milestone

One of the wonderful parts of officiating weddings is sometimes continuing the relationship with a couple as their family grows.

They may later contact me about a Baby naming ceremony.

I provide Jewish Baby Naming Services and can create a Baby naming ceremony Jewish families find personal and meaningful.

This can include Jewish Baby Naming Rituals, a Jewish Newborn Ceremony, other Jewish newborn ceremonies, and my serving as a Jewish Baby Naming Officiant.

Families may also want help with Jewish Baby Naming Tradition, Jewish Baby Naming Celebration, Jewish Baby Naming Ceremony Planning, a Jewish Baby Naming Invitation, Jewish Baby Naming Ceremony Music, or a Jewish Baby Naming Reception.

I love seeing one Jewish milestone become part of a much larger family story.

Your Previous Marriage Does Not Define This One

If one of you has been married before, do not assume your Jewish wedding has to somehow be diminished.

If a Get is required from a previous Jewish marriage, that needs to be properly addressed before I will officiate.

After that, I want to hear about you.

Tell me how you met.

Tell me why this relationship is different.

Tell me what you have learned.

Tell me what you admire about each other.

Tell me which Jewish Wedding Traditions matter to you.

And tell me what you want everyone sitting at your wedding to feel.

Jonny and Sam did not need a ceremony focused on what happened before they found each other.

They needed a ceremony celebrating what they had found in each other.

That is the distinction I want couples to remember.

A previous marriage is part of your history. It does not have to become the headline of your future.

Your wedding day is an opportunity to stand beneath the chuppah, surrounded by the people you love, and say something much more powerful:

“This is the life we are choosing to build together now.”