In a world filled with distractions and external pressures, it’s easy to get caught up in things we can’t control—other people’s opinions, unexpected challenges, or even the weather. But true peace and power come from focusing on what you can control: your choices, your mindset, and your actions.
As a Jewish Wedding Cantor who has officiated countless beautiful ceremonies in Toronto, I’ve seen this lesson play out time and again. It’s not just a key to personal happiness; it’s a foundational principle for building a strong marriage.
One memorable example of this came from Brad and Alexis, a wonderful couple whose Jewish wedding ceremony I was honored to officiate in Toronto. Their story is a powerful reminder of how focusing on what you can control can transform challenges into triumphs.
Brad and Alexis: A Wedding Day Lesson
Brad and Alexis had planned their wedding for months. Every detail, from the Jewish wedding chuppah to the music for the Jewish wedding hora, was carefully thought out. But as the day approached, so did a forecast of rain. Alexis was heartbroken. She imagined her outdoor ceremony—under a beautifully decorated chuppah—being ruined by the weather.
She called me, nearly in tears, asking, “What do we do if it rains?” I told her, “You can’t control the rain, but you can control how you respond. Rain or shine, this day is about celebrating your love and the start of your marriage. That’s what matters.”
On the day of their wedding, it did rain—but instead of letting it dampen their spirits, Brad and Alexis embraced the moment. They shifted their focus to the joy of their Jewish wedding traditions, the love of their family and friends, and the commitment they were making to each other. Their laughter, joy, and resilience turned what could have been a disappointing day into an unforgettable celebration.
The Power of Focusing on What You Can Control
Brad and Alexis’s story is a perfect example of what I call the “inside game.” While the rain was out of their control, they took charge of their mindset, their choices, and their actions.
1. Your Choices Matter
You can’t always choose what happens to you, but you can choose how you respond. For Brad and Alexis, choosing joy over frustration transformed their wedding into a memorable celebration.
2. Focus on Your Actions
Instead of fixating on what could go wrong, take positive steps forward. Whether you’re planning a wedding or navigating a challenge in life, action is empowering.
3. Curate Who You Let Into Your Life
Brad and Alexis surrounded themselves with supportive family and friends who helped them focus on the beauty of their Jewish wedding services and traditions. The people you let into your life can either lift you up or drag you down—choose wisely.
Jewish Wedding Traditions That Teach Us About Control
Jewish weddings are filled with rituals that symbolize deeper lessons about life and relationships.• Breaking the Glass: At the end of the ceremony, the groom breaks a glass to remind us that life is imperfect, but beauty and joy can exist even amidst challenges. This ritual resonates with the idea of accepting what you can’t control while focusing on building something meaningful together.• The Chuppah: The chuppah, or wedding canopy, represents the home the couple will build together. It’s open on all sides, welcoming family and friends, but it’s the couple’s actions and choices within it that create a strong foundation.• Ketubah Signing: The ketubah, or marriage contract, emphasizes mutual respect, love, and responsibility. It’s a reminder that a successful marriage requires focus on the commitments and values that are within your control.
Applying This Lesson Beyond the Wedding
The wisdom of focusing on what you can control doesn’t just apply to weddings—it’s a guiding principle for life.
Marriage
As a couple, you can’t control every circumstance, but you can control how you communicate, support each other, and grow together. Focus on what strengthens your bond, and let go of comparisons or external pressures.
Parenthood
Parents often feel overwhelmed by what they can’t control—school policies, peer influences, or the future. But what you can control is the love, guidance, and values you instill in your children. For those celebrating a baby naming ceremony Jewish, it’s an opportunity to commit to being a positive influence in your child’s life.
Life in General
Like driving a car, life is about staying in your lane and steering toward your goals. You can’t control the rain, but you can control how you steer.
How CoolCantor Applies This Lesson
At CoolCantor Hebrew School, this principle is at the heart of everything we teach. Whether it’s Bar Mitzvah training, learning to read Hebrew, or mastering public speaking for a Bat Mitzvah lesson, we help students focus on what they can control—their preparation, their mindset, and their effort.
One student, for example, struggled with nerves before reading her Torah portion. Instead of focusing on her fear, we worked together on small, achievable steps—reading one verse at a time, building confidence along the way. By the time of her ceremony, she felt prepared and proud.
Your Turn: Take Charge
What’s one thing in your life that you can take charge of today? Whether it’s your mindset, a relationship, or a project, start small. As Brad and Alexis showed us, focusing on what matters can transform any situation into something beautiful.
Celebrating Resilience Through Jewish Wedding Services
Planning a wedding, like navigating life, is filled with unexpected challenges. But as Brad and Alexis demonstrated, resilience, love, and the right perspective can turn any challenge into a cherished memory.
If you’re planning your own Jewish wedding in Toronto, I’d be honored to guide you as your Jewish wedding officiant. From traditional to modern Jewish wedding customs, I bring warmth, guidance, and a deep respect for the rituals that make your day meaningful.
And if you’re celebrating other milestones like a baby naming ceremony Jewish, I’m here to help you create moments that reflect your values and love.
Final Thought
The lesson is simple: don’t waste energy on things you can’t control. Focus on what you can—your choices, your actions, and the people you let into your life.
As someone who was mentored by a great Jewish wedding Rabbi, I’ve seen how this wisdom plays out in weddings, families, and everyday life. It’s a principle that can guide you not just on your wedding day, but throughout your journey together.
Let’s embrace the beauty of life, rain or shine, and focus on what truly matters.
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