Entitlement Is Poison. And Weddings Are the Cure

Hi, I’m Cantor Ben.

As someone who’s had the honor of officiating dozens of

Jewish weddings and baby naming ceremonies across Toronto and beyond,

I’ve noticed something powerful. A wedding is one of the few moments in

life where two people publicly say:

“I owe you. I choose you. I promise to show up—not just today, but every day.”

There’s no room for entitlement in a Jewish wedding

ceremony. And that’s why I believe weddings—when done with heart,

humility, and heritage—can actually teach us how to raise better humans.

Let me tell you about Aly and Jake, a young Jewish couple from Toronto, who reminded me of this truth.

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Aly and Jake: From ‘Me’ to ‘We’

I first met Aly and Jake during their Jewish wedding

planning process. They weren’t looking for a cookie-cutter ceremony.

They were looking for meaning. Depth. A sense that their Jewish wedding

Toronto celebration would reflect who they truly were and what they

hoped to become.

They found me not because I’m a Jewish wedding Rabbi—I’m

not. I’m a Jewish wedding Cantor, mentored by a remarkable Rabbi who

taught me that a great officiant doesn’t just run the show. He builds

the moment.

During our sessions, Aly and Jake spoke with humility.

They didn’t see marriage as something owed to them. They saw it as

something to be earned. To be grown. To be guarded.

And when it came time to stand under their Jewish wedding

chuppah, surrounded by their families and friends, they didn’t act

entitled to love—they committed to it.

That’s a huge difference. And it’s one I now carry into everything I teach—especially in how I coach young people at CoolCantor.

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Entitlement Is Poison. And It’s Spreading.

We’re living in a culture where too many kids (and let’s

be honest, some adults) believe that showing up is enough. That

participation equals reward. That relationships, promotions, and success

are automatic.

But as I said in my speech at Aly and Jake’s Jewish wedding celebration:

Entitlement kills opportunity. Confidence creates it.

Entitlement whispers, “I deserve this.”

Confidence says, “I’ve earned this.”

That’s why in my work as a Life Coach and Bar/Bat Mitzvah mentor, I train kids to lean into responsibility over reward.

And I believe the lessons found in a Traditional Jewish

Wedding—with its rituals, traditions, and focus on mutual giving—can

guide how we raise the next generation.

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Weddings as a Mirror: What They Show Us

Consider the symbolism:

• A Jewish wedding ketubah isn’t about rights—it’s about responsibilities.

• The Jewish wedding vows are not one-sided—they’re mutual.

• The Jewish wedding dance (yes, the joyful Hora) is not about one person—it’s communal.

Even the Jewish wedding music often blends old-world melodies with

new-world meaning, reminding us that tradition and growth go hand in

hand.

This isn’t just beautiful. It’s instructional.

Because marriage is the antidote to entitlement. And so is parenting with intentionality.

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From Wedding to Parenting: What Happens Next

After their unforgettable Jewish wedding reception, Aly

and Jake reached out again. This time, not for wedding advice—but for

help preparing their Jewish baby naming ceremony.

They were expecting their first child.

And they didn’t just want to mark the birth. They wanted to begin a legacy. One rooted in humility, gratitude, and purpose.

Together, we began planning their Jewish newborn

ceremony—choosing readings from Torah, incorporating personalized Jewish

baby naming rituals, and creating a moment that would remind their

child (and their community): “You are loved. But love requires action.”

Their Jewish baby naming invitation reflected their

values. Simple. Elegant. Personal. No flashy excess—just intentional

connection.

We even selected Jewish baby naming ceremony music that

would honor both of their family heritages. And the Jewish baby naming

celebration that followed? Full of laughter, warmth, and sincere

reflection.

Aly and Jake weren’t raising a child to believe the world owes them anything. They were raising a mensch.

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If You Want to Raise a Mensch, Start Here

Whether I’m officiating a Jewish wedding ceremony in

Toronto or guiding a young person through CoolCantor’s life

coaching-infused Hebrew school, I return to the same values:

• Gratitude over entitlement

• Commitment over convenience

• Respect over recognition

This is what I bring to every event—whether it’s your

Jewish wedding, your baby naming ceremony Jewish, or your child’s first

lesson with me.

I don’t just perform ceremonies. I build transformational moments.

I don’t just teach Torah. I teach character.

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How This Changes Everything

What would happen if more weddings looked like Aly and Jake’s?

What if more children were raised with the values embedded in the Jewish wedding customs that date back thousands of years?

• Jewish wedding decorations wouldn’t be about Instagram. They’d reflect values.

• Jewish wedding invitations wouldn’t just announce a party. They’d call people to witness a covenant.

• Jewish wedding attire wouldn’t be about trends. It would honor tradition and self-respect.

• And Jewish wedding photography would capture something deeper than just a pretty picture—it would capture character in action.

Aly and Jake’s wedding wasn’t loud. But it was magnetic.

Just like the people they’re becoming. Just like the child they’re raising.

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Final Thought: Entitlement Is Loud. Confidence Is Magnetic.

Parents: if you want to raise a child others admire—not avoid…

If you want your wedding, your home, and your legacy to pull people in—not push them away…

Then don’t wait for the world to teach these lessons the hard way.

Let your child learn it through mitzvot. Through tradition. Through guidance that shapes who they are becoming.

That’s what I do. That’s who I am.

Not a rabbi. A Jewish wedding cantor. A baby naming officiant. A mentor. A guide. A builder of legacies.

Message me the word LEGACY if you want your wedding, your family, and your story to carry meaning for generations.

With gratitude,

Ben